Commercial Appeal

Can anybody help me figure out what the hell's up with that toilet paper commercial with the bears? Apparently this toilet paper is soooo good that it doesn't rip apart and get stuck to your ass when you wipe. What I wanna know is, who the hell has this problem? I think that if you do have this problem, what you really need is a shower, not "special toilet paper".
Is this for those special kids who eat the paste in school all day long, then come home and take huge adhesive dumps? And on the commercial itself, who at Charmin (or whoever makes this super strong non ass binding toilet paper) thought it would be cute to show a bear emerging from behind a tree after taking an implied dump with little pieces of toilet paper stuck to his ass and have another bear run up behind him to help get it off. I just threw up a little in my mouth.
But what really pisses me off is that Aspercream had to change their jingle from "You bet your sweet ASS-percream!" to "You bet if its Aspercream". They deny us this comic gold (I giggled like a 1st grader after somebody farted every time I saw this commercial), yet bears crapping in the woods doesn't seem to raise an eyebrow. WTF?

My new favorite commercial is the one with the home pregnancy test that's billed as "The most technologically advanced thing you will ever pee on."
While this may be true of most people, I must take exception. Once, in a drunken stupor, my uncle awoke and somehow mistook my parents' living room for the bathroom, and pissed all over the cable box which was on top of the T.V. Yes, we had to get another cable box. (Try explaining that one to the cable guy!)
I am sure a cable box is infinitely more technologically advanced than any home pregnancy test.
I know, I know, my uncle would have no reason to piss on a home pregnancy test (not that he had one to piss on the cable box) and that they were speaking to women who would have to show an amazing amount of balance while being totally wasted to be able to get up on top of a T.V. set, squat down, and piss all over a cable box.
But still, they didn't qualify who they were talking to, so I stand by my argument.
Makes me laugh every time though.